Tuesday, December 27, 2016

it's time

A return to creativity came in the form of a cake.

I've struggled since my dad's death to find my creative footing. Tasks that should have been performed by muscle memory were impossible. Needle and thread offered no consolation. My muse was silent. My creativity, vanished.

I've been careful not to set a limit on my grief, not to rush myself, trying not to grow impatient with the parts of me missing.

Though I'm still grieving (and always will, I suspect), it was the task of making my daughter's birthday cake that lit a spark inside me. Her birthday is Christmas Eve, and being determined to make her birthday special and separate, I always commit to making a special cake, per her specific demands.

This year it was a stump.

As I sat down with fondant and chocolate bark and nilla wafers I felt...excited. The task was fun and my hands did it easily (not quickly, though. I'm a slow cake-maker). I was creating! It wasn't wool, but it was creativity nonetheless.

So with that spark lit, I'm scheduling a workshop, ordering some wool, and dusting the cobwebs out of my workspace. I'm being careful not to set high expectations for myself, but I'm eager to dip my toe back into creative waters.

For those that are local, please check out my pincushion class being offered at The Crossing Arts Alliance. Time will tell what comes next.

And most importantly, for all of  you who left me a comment (I read every one, even though they aren't posted) about my dad's passing, or sent me an email, or who held me in your thoughts, thank you. It is an amazing thing to feel so much good in the world when you're utterly convinced there isn't any.

I am grateful for you.

xo Lisa


NanaBeast said...

Lovely to see you back in this space, Lisa. Your muse definitely came through in cake form! It's truly beautiful!

I'm glad to hear you're being gentle with yourself. Losing my own father has been so difficult and I miss him dearly. The good thing is that the good memories are the ones that are filling my heart and mind of late and I just miss him. The grieving is getting to be much less bitter and more sweet.

Blessings dear one,
Denise Leavens

Crow’s Foot Farm Designs said...

I think the Muse has been silent for many of us creative types. Your dad's passing has added to your silence. The stump cake is amazing and it sounds as if it has unlocked your creativity or at least put a crack in it to let in the light. Let the light grow as it is in nature now.

mebaker said...

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Your cake for your daughter is amazingly beautiful. Will send thoughts of comfort and peace your way. May the falling snow feel like a comforting blanket and envelope you with peace.

jeanga6 said...

Someone once told me that grief is love with nowhere to go. I hope in your art you find a place. Welcome back.

Jill said...

I haven't been to visit in awhile so I'm just learning now of your Dad's passing. I'm very sorry. I will say a prayer for comfort and peace to continue to grow in you, especially through your creativity. In response to the comment above that jeannga6 said....I remember that part of grief when my husband died so young. I asked our Priest "What do I do with all my love???" And, odd as it may sound, I needed to be told that I could still love my husband even though he wasn't here. And, that was such a relief. I could still love him where he was now and I did. And, still do.

Jill said...

On a lighter note, that cake is AWESOME! Is that broccoli for the moss? Very cool.

Rebekah of The Little Red Thread said...

Welcome back, we've been keeping a cup of coffee warm and a place by the fire.

Heather A said...

I, too, am just now learning of your Dad's passing. I'm so sorry. I know from experience that particular loss. When my Dad died I don't think I even realized how much I was just going through the motions every day until one day, about a year after my Dad's death, I heard myself laugh and I was startled because it was the first time I think I had genuinely laughed ... a REAL laugh and not just a forced laugh. At about the same time it was almost like I noticed the sky for the first time in a year. Suddenly I was aware again of the sun, the sky, the air around me. One day a co-worker saw me get off the elevator and she said that it was the first time she'd seen me look happy and bright in so long. This, too, was about a year after my Dad died. I think it really did take a full year (as is often said but I didn't really believe it) for me to really feel happiness and energy again. I miss my Dad still, for sure, but now thinking of him brings me comfort instead of sadness. I hope you get to this point, too. This remarkable cake is a good step toward finding your own soul again. Know that warm and caring thoughts from so many are being sent your way.


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